


Re: Zootopia: Partners Re-Revisited

by VariableMammal



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Comedy, F/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-02-22 11:56:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13166421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VariableMammal/pseuds/VariableMammal
Summary: Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde have been partners for almost two years (as of the real date this was posted). A light-hearted joke fic taking the hapless reader through the creation of "Zootopia: Partners" and reflecting on the "meta" of Zootopia fanfiction in general.





	1. Super Zootopia Turbo Edition EX Plus Alpha & Knuckles

    They were there together, the fox and the bunny. Heroes of Zootopia. It took a lot to get them to that point, a lot of time, effort, bizarrely convenient coincidences, and fundamental rewrites to the entire screenplay. But they remained, and they were amazing.  
  
    Where does one even start with Judith Laverne (middle name of debatable canon) Hopps? She was so much bunny in such a compact package. Her fur was of gray and white, unremarkable among other bunny does except for her sporty black ear tips and purple eyes. Still, what she accomplished with that small frame was both lovely and adventurous. And those hips! She was definitely a bunny's bunny; her athletic frame did little to hide her attractiveness and "finer points". For that matter, her police uniform did little to hide those "points" either.  
  
    And what was there to say about Nicholas Piberius (yes, really) Wilde? Also an unremarkable fox, a droplet in a sea of red fox cartoon characters and fursonas, and yet he managed to breach the surface of the dull waters, leaping out from it as if the drop had descended from above, scattering other unworthy droplets in its wake. Nick had certainly made a splash among his many fans. His calm, devil-might-care-but-probably-doesn't smirk was both winsome and infectious, as Judy herself found. As foxes go, he was also quite handsome, with green eyes of emerald, limes, and other things that are green.  
  
    "I get this uneasy feeling we're being fawned over somehow," Judy tapped a finger on her cheek, tilting her head quizzically as she sometimes did. This was an extra cute look for her, but to Judy, "cute" was a four-letter word. Of course, so is her first name, but...  
  
    "Eh, you get used to it," Nick smiled, gazing out the window. "Nice to be heading back home from Bunnyburrow. Can't wait to dig into the pie I got from your-"  
  
    "Nick, what are you  _talking_ about?" Judy interrupted incredulously, sweeping her arm out to the environs. "We're in my hospital room. It's only been a day since we had that run-in with Bellwether... saved the world, that kinda thing?"  
  
    "Whoa, whoa," Nick held his paws up, eyes wide, "that- that was weird. I could have sworn..."  
  
    "You haven't even  _been_ to Bunnyburrow yet," Judy smiled with less concern, a warm grin plastered on her face. "Are all these flowers messing with your head somehow? Is the smell rattling that foxy brain?" She indicated the frankly enormous amount of flowers near her hospital bed, of which Nick had offered an embarrassingly small addition to.  
  
    "Okay, yes, that was bad," Nick admitted, and huffed to steady himself. He adjusted his position in the seat of the chair next to the hospital bed. "Next thing you know, I'm gonna forget I'm at my own wedding."  
  
    "Don't get ahead of yourself, mister," the bunny smirked. "The wedding isn't until part thirteen."  
  
    "Ah, right, right," Nick rolled his eyes. "This is a  _shipping_ fic, isn't it?"  
  
    "Something like ninety percent of them are," Judy blew a playful raspberry with her tiny  ~~lapine~~ bunny tongue.  
  
    "Now hold on a second," the fox held up a paw and pulled a large manuscript from behind himself, "I could have  _sworn_ the first chapter started with you and I in a car, on the way home from Bunnyburrow."  
  
    "Mm-mm, that's part six," the small gray head wiggled left and right, "this is part one. Maybe you're thinking of Partners: Revisited? That one starts like that."  
  
    "I'm telling you, Judy- er, Carrots," Nick looked through the script, then looking up as if lost, "we're still on 'Carrots', right?"  
  
    "Right, you haven't got past that yet," Judy giggled.  
  
    " _This_ chapter- part, whatever, this one was the first one uploaded," Nick tapped his claw on the paper, underlining the chapter "True Partners". "I'm  _not_ crazy."  
  
    "Debatable," she smirked, pulling out her own copy of the script from behind her pillow, "hm, I think we're both right, in a way. 'True Partners' was uploaded first, but this one, which was originally untitled, was actually  _written_ first, and uploaded later when the author decided he wanted them all as part of a single saga."  
  
    "Oh," the fox scratched his head, "that's... confusing. He didn't upload them in order?"  
  
    "Not even close," Judy opened up a website on the phone, "look, the upload dates are all over the place until the latter half of the series."  
  
    "What's a good word for that...?" Nick twisted his mouth into a half-frown. "Scatterbrained?"  
  
    "That's a  _kind_ word for that," Judy laughed.  
  
    "So, this is the only part that doesn't happen after the movie, correct?" Nick looked around at the massive amount of flowers in the room.  
  
    "Correct, this is a scene the author thought up soon after he saw the movie for the first time, and was just brimming with zeal for the whole idea of Zootopia and all its possibilities," Judy smiled genuinely. "He wanted to envision how you decided to tell me you'd be my partner."  
  
    "Seems a little bit superfluous," Nick smirked, "wouldn't I have kept it a secret from you for awhile instead of blabbing right away?"  
  
    "I dunno, maybe you were still heady from our victory," Judy placed her hands on her hips and wiggled her head proudly. "Anyway, I'm not sure he had gotten into your character's head too much yet. He hadn't written in a long time, and he made  _plenty_ of mistakes. Such as mono-spacing our dialogue."  
    "What are you talking abou- ugh!?" Nick flinched. "Get your words away from me!"  
    "Yeah, kinda tight, isn't it?" Judy squeaked in a pinched voice.  
  
    "I mean, some mistakes are just gonna happen," Judy cleared her throat and went on, holding a paw out. "This  _was_ his first major attempt to write a fanfiction."  
  
    "Ooh, not true," Nick wiggled a forefinger, a devilish look crossing his face. "He had delved into fanfiction earlier, something like a decade ago, maybe more. Shoo, probably more like  _two_ decades ago now."  
  
    "What, how do you know that?" the bunny narrowed an eye.  
  
    "I'm roughly the same age as the author, so I guess my meta sense is a bit more developed," Nick grinned widely, tapping his temple twice with a finger. "Anyway, it was Pokemon fanfiction that he wrote."  
  
    "Oh, no," Judy whined.  
  
    "Awful, terrible, self-insert, OP-as-you-like, first-gen Pokemon fanfiction," Nick seemed sadistically pleased with himself. He's lucky he's so charming. "That even, as I recall, derailed towards the end of it and became a story with  _him_ as the main adventurer?"  
  
    "I'm gonna be sick," Judy's cheeks bulged.  
  
    "Luckily, you're in a hospital," Nick said blithely.  
  
    "...Can I read it?" She suddenly grinned greedily.  
  
    "Nope, it's gone forever," Nick dusted his hands, "well... it still technically exists, but its in a safe place that the author doesn't even have access to, guarded by a dragon. A dragon with instructions never to let the author look at it again, no matter what."  
  
    "Sheesh, it must have been  _really_ bad," Judy's eyes wandered over the ceiling. She launched out of the hospital bed. "So, are you ready to get this show on the road, or what?"  
  
    "Wait, are you just allowed to... leave?" Nick swept the hospital room with his eyes nervously.  
  
    "Nick, c'mon," Judy held her arms out wide and wagged her head. "In case you haven't noticed by our self-awareness, we're in a  _parody_ of Zootopia: Partners, not the actual thing."  
  
    "Right, I thought we were at least trying to keep up some semblance of order," Nick looked nervously at the door, "or at least we were between takes or something. However that works in a  _fanfiction_ is beyond me, but..."  
  
    "I think the world deserves to see your at your fourth wall-breaking best," Judy chucked him on the arm.  
  
    "Noted," he nodded.  
  
    "I mean, it works for Deadpool!"  
  
    "Don't mention him if you don't want him skulking around in these paragraphs," Nick seemed a little unnerved.  
  
    "I don't think he just comes when you call him, he's not Beetlejuice," Judy rolled her eyes. They do that a lot, don't they? When both of them are so sarcastic, I guess that's the only way they know how to communicate with each other.  
  
    "And I distinctly felt a dig," Nick's eyes shifted shiftily.  
  
    "Soo..." Judy tilted her head, looking at empty space, "if you like this and want to see more of Judy and Nick tearing through the original Zootopia: Partners, chapter-by-chapter, please Kudos, Comment, and Subscribe!" She closed her eyes in a clear bid for winsomeness, holding up a little heart shape formed with her paws.  
  
    "Ugh, _no_ , Carrots, no," Nick waved both hands, " _please_ , no. You're above that, aren't you?"  
  
    "Am I above using my bunny wiles?" Judy gazed over to him coquettishly. "No, no I am not."  
  
    "Oh, and are we going to do  _that_ the whole time?" Nick indicated her with a paw, the other on his hip. "Quoting the movie the whole dang time-? Wait, dang? Dang. Flock. Ram it. Bass pole. Sofa king. The heck?"  
  
    "Disney swear censor," Judy hopped up and tapped him on the nose. "Get used to it. Make up some fun family-friendly curses! Ya ol' sap of a birch!"  
  
    "Like 'sweet cheese and crackers'?" Nick grumbled. "Pass. God, this is so- oh good, I can at least say that."  
  
    "Yup, fair game from the movie," Judy nodded.  
  
    "Well," Nick shoved his paws into his pockets. "This is off to a tedious start."  
  
    "Mm, yeah, it's already fixing to be longer than the original 'Prelude to Partners' was," Judy frowned.  
  
    "Hopefully they all won't be that way," Nick huffed in amusement. "Let's get out of here." He walked out of the room with his bunny companion.  
  
    After a few moments, Judy poked her head back in, waving a paw with a pleased, open-mouthed smile. Again, to no one in particular, probably just to whoever's reading this. She  _was_ very cute.  
  
    "Hey, watch it with the c-word, mister," Judy grumbled. She slammed the door.


	2. Part 17

    Nick walked down the hallway that led to Judy's Grand Pangolin Arms apartment. A dry look was upon his face, and he walked with a resigned gait.  
  
    "You think you're clever, do you?" Nick asked, seemingly to himself. "Waiting until nearly the end of April 1st to upload another chapter of a joke fic? Oh bra _vo_. Well done." The fox's paws came together in a sarcastic joke clap. "I thought hiatuses were something you didn't do- oh wait, no, no, we're forgetting about Amethyst Rain, aren't we?"  
  
    ...Anyway, Nick drew closer to the bunny's apartment and entered the door. The fox rolled his eyes for good measure.  
  
    Judy lay cuddled up in her bed, eyes shut.  
  
    "Um, Judy...?" Nick called out quietly. "Judy...?"  
  
    "Hnh!?" Judy bolted upright in her bed, and her ears followed half a second later. "Nick!? What the hay are you doing in my apartment!?"  
  
    "I, um- I was looking for you," Nick shrugged. "Aren't we supposed to be getting a squirrel by mail soon or something?"  
  
    "A squi-" Judy broke into a loud yawn, "rrel? No no, it's not 'Small Partners' yet."  
  
    "What?" Nick looked up at the title of this chapter. "But it says 'Part 17' right up there. 'Small Partners' is the seventeenth part of the Partners series."  
  
    "Yes and no," Judy nodded, confirming the glance. "In _order_ , it is. However, 'Tranquil Partners' is the second part, but the seventeenth to be uploaded."  
  
    Nick instantly appeared livid. "Okay, okay, _time out_." He brought his paws up and drove the palm of one onto the tips of his other paw's fingers. "I'm absolving all of these...  _number-based_ jokes. They aren't funny!  _Numbers_ aren't intrinsically funny!"  
  
    "You seem a bit salty," Judy's eyes were barely open, in a way that could barely be distinguished between fatigue and extreme smugness. "You still angry over the time I did that 'bunny multiplication' in my head?"  
  
    "No, I am  _not_ angry!" Nick insisted, folding his arms tightly and trying not to pout.  
  
    "Hey Nick," Judy grinned, "why is six afraid of seven?"  
  
    Nick simply glared at her, pointed at his eyes with two fingers, then pointed at her. She laughed, the tail end of which tapered into another yawn. As she stretched, her yawn hit a squeak in its peak.  
  
    "You know, you don't  _have_ to be so adorable, this is just a farce," Nick rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I clearly studied the wrong chapter, so what's on the agenda for today?"  
  
    "Okay!" Judy clapped her paws and pulled a script out from under her pillow. "This is 'Tranquil Partners'. It's somewhat notable in all the Partners series for having no OCs!"  
  
    "No OCs?" Nick raised his brow.  
  
    "Original characters," Judy said, looking at him. "Do not steal."  
  
    "No no, I know what they _are_ ," Nick held up his paws and wiggled them at Judy, "but why is that a selling point?"  
  
    Judy's shoulders jumped up casually. "A lot of readers are just here for Zootopia stuff, specifically _us_. They don't give a mousie's bum about whatever characters the author might come up with."  
  
    "That seems needlessly limiting," Nick huffed. "I mean, Zootopia is a  _huge_ place. There are  _tons_ of species living here, and everyone has their own story. The movie was only able to cover a fraction of a handful of animals lives. Shouldn't fan works expand on the possibilities presented here? It's definitely a rich setting."  
  
    "Right, but do you trust any ol' random fanfic writer to be anywhere equal to Disney's writers?" Judy cocked her head. "There's a struggle to make original characters impactful, but also not run away with the show. Else you get Captain Megan Fawkes of the ZSS Overpowered."  
  
    "Megan Fawkes?" Nick echoed.  
  
    "Sorry, I meant  _Mary Sue_ of the ZSS Overpowered," Judy kicked back in her bed.  
  
    "Speaking of, you sure we aren't getting that squirrel today?" Nick winced.  
  
    "Not yet," Judy shook her head.  
  
    "Okay, so what  _is_ the plot of this one?" Nick looked to be siphoning the fatigue from Judy and displaying it on his own muzzle.  
  
    "I'm supposed to be getting a text from Clawhauser, right about," Judy pointed offhandedly at her phone, which buzzed. "Now."  
  
    [OMG! jduy! Gazelle has been attacked by tranquilizer darts! Are you a bad enough dude to save her? :( :( :(]  
  
    "The sad thing is that's not too far off how Ben usually texts," Nick frowned.  
  
    "Off to the ZPD!" Judy sprang out of bed and thrust her paw in the direction of the exit.   
  


* * *

  
    Chief Bogo addressed his subordinates in the bull pen, grumbling at their rowdy nature.  
  
    "All right everyone, quiet down," Bogo put on his reading glasses, looking over a report. "Let's see here, ah, Gazelle was tranquilized by an unknown assailant at her latest show. Express concern as you are not-so-secretly a fan of Gaz- oh, one moment, I think those are stage directions."  
  
    Judy's paw shot up and it wiggled in the air.  
  
    Bogo looked at her with mild disdain. "Hopps, this isn't a classroom."  
  
    "We know who did it, sir!" Judy shouted eagerly.  
  
    One of Bogo's eyebrows raised.  
  
    "That's right, sir," Nick went on. "It was Doug."  
  
    Bogo appeared incredulous. "The golden retriever from Up?"  
  
    "No, no!" Judy shook her head violently. "Doug with an O! The chemist-slash-sniper from the movie."  
  
    "...And how did you two arrive at this conclusion?" Bogo asked with barely-hidden irritation.  
  
    "Well, think about it," Judy explained, her paws wide. "This chapter has no original characters in it. Thus, that severely limits the number of possible suspects."  
  
    "Weaselton doesn't have easy access to tranquilizers," Nick said, "and this act makes no sense for Mr. Big to have done. Thus, Doug. It even fits with what he did in the movie!"  
  
    "Yes, well, very good," Bogo flicked his hand, reading from his paper, "I'm assigning you two to one of Gazelle's activist speeches at the Franklin Moobody Auditorium. Since you two are small, you should be fairly-" the corner of Bogo's mouth hitched up, "inconspicuous!? YOU two!?" He barked out a laugh, then guffawed, pointing at his sheet as if in disbelief. "No way! This is a bunny that has crashed a train!"  
  
    "Technically,  _Nick_ crashed the train," Judy held a finger up tentatively.  
  
    "Yeah, on your direction," Nick grumbled.   
  
    "Okay okay, leaving specific names out of this..." Judy clasped her paws together. "Wait... speaking of, what's your first name, Chief Bogo?"  
  
    "...I do not see how that's relevant," Bogo grunted.  
  
    "Humor us!" Nick grinned largely.  
  
    "Undecided," Bogo huffed.  
  
    Nick and Judy looked at each other with confusion.  
  
    "That's the official word," Bogo grunted.  
  
    "Oh, so  _that's_ why the fandom calls you 'Yumba'," Francine pointed with her trunk. When the smaller mammals looked the elephant for clarification, she turned her head to face them. "'Yumba' is Swahili for 'Undecided'."  
  
    "How... do you know that?" Judy blinked.  
  
    "I'm an elephant?" Francine shrugged. "My family has roots in Giraffrica."  
  
    "But you have a Midwestern accent," Nick protested.  
  
    "AND THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE," Yumba- er, Bogo interrupted angrily. He thrust his large arm towards the door. "Hopps, Wilde, get out there and DO YOUR JOB. ...I'm not paid enough for this."  
  


* * *

  
    Nick and Judy approached the multi-mammal sized doors leading to the ridiculously-named Franklin Moobody auditorium, but Nick stopped and looked at Judy.  
  
    "Do we really have to do this?" Nick groaned. "We already know its Doug, and we're not supposed to catch him until the next bit."  
  
    "Gazelle's supposed to be in there," Judy smiled. "Always nice to get an excuse to see her. She's giving a speech asking for understanding between interspecies couples."  
  
    "Oh what brilliant foreshadowing," Nick said sardonically, tilting his head back and forth, "'subtly' referencing our impending relationship that looms large."  
  
    "Nick, what's the matter with you?" Judy giggled. "It's what the fans want."  
  
    "I mean, I've got no problem with hooking up with a bit of fluff like you," Nick said, "but don't you think the 'oh there's social unrest because of interspecies relationships' is a little trite?"  
  
    "Well, Zootopia is supposed to parallel issues in the 'real world'," Judy made air quotes, "whatever  _that_ is. Obviously there are going to be  _some_ mammals that protest against interspecies relationships because it doesn't further the population."  
  
    "Right,  _'some'_ mammals," Nick nodded, "but would it really be an epidemic that requires someone like Gazelle to rally for?"  
  
    "Nick," Judy looked at him dully, "Jumbeaux thought you couldn't _read_."  
  
    "Yeah, but that was in the movie," Nick shrugged, "he  _had_ to be overtly specist so everyone knew he was being a jerk."  
  
    "So, what," Judy narrowed her eyes, "you're saying fanworks should aspire to be  _greater_ than the movie? That's a bit arrogant."  
  
    "Okay, forget I asked," Nick rolled his eyes. "It's just gonna come up again in 'Emergent Partners' anyway."  
  
    "That said, we can probably skip this bit and nothing will be the worse for it," Judy considered, nodding to herself. "Yeah, let's just head to Animalia."  
  
    "That's the name of the show, not the venue," Nick said. "The show from the cancelled original plot that everyone's all over because its edgier than Finnick's teeth."  
  
    "Ooh, sounds like  _someone_ made a mistake...!" Judy folded her arms behind her back, her voice annoyingly patronizing.  
  
    Meanwhile, Gazelle was face-down on the stage of the auditorium. Doug, the shooter of the tranquilizer dart, looked around nervously from the back of the auditorium.  
  
    "So, uh, are the bunny and the fox coming, or...?"  
  


* * *

  
    Said bunny and fox showed up at the venue where Gazelle was to perform, which, depending on what production materials you look at, might  _actually_ be called Animalia, or "the Oasis", or "the Watering Hole', or it HARDLY MATTERS BECAUSE ITS JUST A STUPID VENUE-  
  
    "So, there's this plan in place to make sure that Doug is stopped before he gets into the mezzanine level," Nick explained. "That's a fun word. Mezzanine. I wonder how many times I can say it in this chapter-"  
  
    "Enough," Judy poked him in the side. "So, because Doug is going to be essentially barred from the event, he's naturally going to show up anyway."  
  
    "Naturally," Nick agreed, the two of them in the midst of the bottom floor. "So, what say we split up? You charge in from the front, and I'll sneak around back."  
  
    "That... _does_ kind of fit both of our styles, doesn't it?" Judy seemed slightly dismayed. "Also sounds a little dirty if you think about it too hard."  
  
    "Carrots!" Nick looked at her sternly. "...I should have made that joke."  
  
    As they executed their plan, Nick saw a downed tigress, her consciousness fleeting because of a tranquilizer dart in her neck.  
  
    "Delgato!" Nick rushed over to her, not even needing to kneel because of her size. "Delgato, I should probably have told you that we knew Doug was gonna be here. My bad."  
  
    "I'm... not Delgato," she mumbled angrily. "I'm Fangmeyer."  
  
    "Really?" Nick raised his brow. "But you're a cat. Del _gato_ , get it?"  
  
    "Delgato is a male lion, you nimrod," Fangmeyer grit her teeth. "Can't you tell a MALE LION from a FEMALE TIGRESS?"  
  
    "Hm!" Nick grined widely, putting his paws on his hips.. "Sounds like  _someone_ made a mistake...!"  
  
    Moving on... Judy confronted Doug on the edge of the mezzanine level, which had been vacated just to provide an obvious trap for Doug, which he fell for because he had to be caught _somehow_.  
  
    "Know what, Doug?" Judy said, leveling her stun gun at him. "It doesn't really make any sense for you to be a Bellwether zealot."  
  
    "Oh no?" Doug replied, slowly beginning to set down his tranq-loaded sniper rifle.  
  
    "No!" Judy shook her head. "From the movie, it was pretty obvious that you were just a hired hand. Er, paw. Hoof. Cripes. You were clearly dispassionate and only in it for the money. You didn't care about Bellwether."  
  
    "Good, point, I didn't," Doug replied, whose voice sounded like Ben Stein on a good day. "Sounds like someone made a mistake."  
  
    Just shoot him, Judy.  
  
    As she tried to, he shot simultaneously with another tranq gun he somehow hid on him.   
  
    "Wait, ow...?" Judy wobbled, feeling fuzzy. "Is this  _actually_ tranq juice in here? I thought this was just for show."  
  
    "Guess the author likes enforced method acting," Doug shrugged as Judy collapsed.  
  
    Nick tapped the ram on the back. As he spun around, Nick shot him with his stun gun, which made the ram shriek in a manner similar to Ben Stein if he were electrocuted.  
  
    "Nick shot first," he quipped as Doug hit the floor. " _DANG_ I've always wanted to say that!"  
  
    After calling in for help, Nick picked up his downed partner gingerly, gravity pulling on the cheek closer to the ground and her tongue lolling out.  
  
    "Aw," Nick smiled cheerfully. "She's so cute."  
  


* * *

  
    "Friggin' gosh-darned pluckersnappin' author," Judy wiggled her head back and forth slowly, placing a paw on her forehead. "I still feel woozy."  
  
    "Starting to resent that 'no cursing' rule yet, Judy?" Nick grinned. The two of them were standing in the ZPD lobby. "Uh, what are we waiting for, by the way?"  
  
    "Gazelle!" Benjamin Clawhauser grinned from behind them. "She's late, though. I mean, it does cost a pretty penny for her to make an appearance; maybe she's just fashionably late?"  
  
    A red fox vixen entered the ZPD, meekly looking around.  
  
    "Uh, can we help you?" Clawhauser blinked.  
  
    "Is this where 'Familiar Fire' is being written?" The vixen asked. "I'm Brittany Voxen."  
  
    "That's an OC!" Judy gasped.  
  
    "Um, miss?" Nick shook his head. "Sorry, you can't be here. This is a 'no-OC' chapter."  
  
    "Oh! Sorry, sorry!" Brittany cringed, heading back to the exit. "Jeez, I need to call my agent. I could have sworn they said 'Z _P_ D'..." Right before she exited, she looked back at them. "Big fan of your work, by the way!"  
  
    "Thank you! Bye!" Judy waved energetically.   
  
    "Huh!" Clawhauser leaned on his desk. "Sounds like someone made a mistake..."  
  
    And we're done here.


	3. No, you shut up.

    Nick and Judy tore down the street in a foot-chase with a speeding cheetah. The perpetrator was probably also breaking the speed limit on his feet as the two not-as-fleet-of-foot mammals chased him. Judy rummaged into her handy (pawdy?) utility pouches and retrieved a set of bolas. There's concept art of her swinging bolas, that's where that comes from.  
  
    Moments later, the cheetah had been captured by Officer McHorn, and Judy was tied helplessly to a streetlight post by the bolas.  
  
    "Wh- ghh, _hey_!" Judy exclaimed. "This isn't how it happened!"  
  
    Nick sipped from a frozen drink, looking up at her. He was suddenly wearing nothing but a beach trunks and a towel over his shoulder.   
  
    "Nick!? The heck are you doing?" Judy grunted and struggled at her self-imposed bonds. "I said this isn't how it _happens_!"  
  
    "I'm barely in this chapter, Judy," Nick shrugged. "Thought I'd go catch some rays down at Sahara Square's beach. Great time of year to go."  
  
    "Well, rgh!" Judy continued to struggle. "Can you cut me down from here, at least!?"  
  
    "Uhh... no can do, partner," Nick looked over his attire. "Left all that gear with my police uniform, and who knows where that is by now. That first paragraph transition was definitely a blistering one."  
  
    "Nick...!" Judy wailed, kicking her feet helplessly as the fox tossed her a flippant wave with his retreat.  
  
    "Don't worry, Hopps, I got you," McHorn said, carefully tucking his horn under the bolas and snapping the threads with a quick tug.  
  
    "Oh, thank you, McHorn," Judy rubbed at her arms. "Guess you've got a cheetah to book."  
  
    "Yeah, don't mention it," McHorn's shoulders bumped up. "The author never gives me a personality beyond 'dumb clod', so I figured it was the least I could do."  
  
    "Well, I can assert that you're  _not_ dumb," Judy swiped her forefinger. "...Eeexcept for maybe that one time you said 'wait for the real cops' in the movie."  
  
    "I meant the real cops of Little Rodentia," McHorn scratched at the bridge of his muzzle. "Y'know, the _mice_. What did you think I was going to go in there...?"  
  
    "No, um, haha, that- that wouldn't have made sense," Judy cringed.  
  


* * *

  
    That evening at her apartment, Judy finished bawling her eyes out over her recent failure, finishing up the last bit of an entire tub of vanilla ice cream.  
  
    "What? No I didn't!" Judy huffed, springing up from her bed. "Listen, the movie has  _established_ that I can be a screw-up, okay? I  _get_ that. And I suppose that beginning section was supposed to show that there are just some jobs I'm not equipped for. _Fine_ , message received. So if that's the theme for this chapter, that Judy is a big dumb bunny, just shut it, okay?"  
  
    Judy's attention was directed to the title of this chapter.  
  
    "Very funny," Judy rolled her eyes.  
  
    As if on cue (probably actually on cue), Bucky and Pronk Oryx-Antlerson started arguing through Judy's paper-thin walls.  
  
    "We're arguing over a shirt or something!"  
    "Yeah, or over a can of soda!"  
    "The author is going to actually try and characterize us beyond single joke we were used for in the movie!"  
    "Or, is it the _real_ joke that  _this_ author is going to try to characterize us? Doh ho ho ho!"  
  
    "Wait, isn't that Statler and Waldorf's bit?" Judy's eye narrowed.  
  
    "Statler and Waldorf? Those sound like Pokemon to me."  
    "You're thinking of Stantler and Walrein."  
    "I've never even heard of those two. Pokemon was at its best when it was just 151. When you could actually remember them all!"  
    "Yeah, for someone with an extremely narrow mind! A huge chunk of those 'venerated' originals were just pink or purple blobs!"  
    "You say that, but have they ever really changed up what the games are in any meaningful way? Or heck, even added a  _dolphin_ Pokemon?"  
  
    Judy growled in frustration (but not like a dog) and charged over to her neighbors' door. With a swift kick, it burst into fragments. See? She can be cool.  
  
    "That door was... incredibly flimsy," Judy hadn't apparently intended to more than knock on the door with her foot.  
  
    "Yeah, it's a prop door," one of the neighbors shrugged. Probably Pronk. You can remember them because Pronk has the prongs for horns, he's an oryx. Bucky is the kudu, with twisted horns. There's really not an easy mnemonic device for that.  
  
    "Anyway, will you two both shut up?" Judy held out her arms, exasperated. "May I remind you that you're living next to a _police officer_? I could arrest you any time I felt like you're disturbing the peace, and you're sure disturbing  _my_ peace!"  
  
    "Hey Judy," Pronk quipped. "What's the title of this chapter?"  
  
    Judy fumed with a loud, exasperated growl quite unlike that of a dog. More like a person-growl. Can you call Zootopians "people" or is that exclusively to refer to humans? They  _act_ like people, anyway.  
  
    "So hi, this chapter is somewhat about us," Bucky waved. "We're having a little marital spat."  
  
    "Wait, you guys are married? That's for real?" Judy pointed between the two.  
  
    "Um, yeah," Pronk scoffed. "Didn't you watch the credits? We're listed as Bucky and Pronk Oryx-Antlerson. The fact that we're two different species with the same last name should have been a big clue."  
  
    "Who watches the credits, anyway?" Judy squinted her eyes. "Everything got really boring there after the Gazelle number."  
  
    "Okay, then..." Bucky rotated his hand... hoof?... his hand, heck with it. "How about the tweet from Jared Bush, co-director and co-writer of Zootpia? He confirmed that we're married on social media."  
  
    "What, we're getting information from  _tweets_ now?" Judy looked incredulous.  
  
    "Oh, you poor bunny," Pronk wagged his head in a somewhat-sassy way. "You do not know the depths Zootopia fans will go to get information."  
  
    "For instance," Bucky held up a hoof-finger- eugh, that just sounds cumbersome. "Your drill instructor at the academy. Her name is Major Friedkin."  
  
    "That was found out by rooting around in the official Zootopia script that had gotten released or leaked or something," Pronk went on. "Like how your favorite little sibling, the one in a picture on your desk, is named 'Cotton'."  
  
    "You guys have been in my _room_!?" Judy was less than pleased.  
  
    "And that's only scratching the surface," Bucky explained. "But yeah, we're married. Obviously not one-hundred-percent happily. And this author is gonna try to give a little depth to two joke characters. It's like trying to write a serious fic about Flash."  
  
    "I mean, to be fair," Pronk scratched at his chin, "this chapter did get some comments from readers about how they enjoyed seeing some Bucky-Pronk stuff."  
  
    "It was basically the only bone the author threw the gay male community in all of Partners," Bucky rolled his eyes.  
  
    "Ignoring the obvious joke there," Pronk snickered.  
  
    "Okay guys, the title," Judy angrily pointed upwards. "You're not the star of the show here."  
  
    Bucky promptly vanished.  
  
    "...What the!?" Judy checked her hands to make sure they were still there. "Wait, has some big purple guy snapped his fingers!?"  
  
    "Oh no, that was supposed to happen," Pronk shook his head. "By this point in the chapter, you're failing giving me couple's advice."  
  
    "I am?" Judy cocked her head.  
  
    "Well you're not doing it right now," Pronk shrugged. "There's some weird death-shaped theme of this chapter. Basically a contrived reason for me to argue with Bucky, as if I needed one."  
  
    Judy checked the script, getting on a pair of reading glasses.  
  
    "Not functional, by the way," Judy wiggled them. "Just think I look good in 'em. It says Nick is in the next scene." She let out a prolonged sigh. "Guess I better get down to the beach."  
  


* * *

  
    Judy's feet met the hot sand as she marched over to Nick, who was lounging on a truly garish neon yellow and blue zigzagged towel.  
  
    "I can't tell if that or the bright sun hurts my eyes more," Judy lamented. She flung the Partners script on Nick's chest, making him "oof".  
  
    "What gives, rabbit?" Nick grunted, sitting halfway up.  
  
    "You're in this chapter after all, dummy," Judy bent over reprovingly, hands on hips. "We gotta talk about relationships. Our past ones. You got any?"  
  
    "Um, I think so," Nick scratched at his head.  
  
    "How do you  _think_ so?" Judy crinkled her nose's bridge, baffled.  
  
    "Well, there was a tweet by Rich Moore, he's the kind of the trickster of the two main directors," Nick sniffed nonchalantly. Kind of funny how "chalant" isn't an actual word. "Notably, he  _didn't_ voice Bucky or Pronk. That was Byron Howard and Jared Bush, respectively."  
  
    "What did the tweet say?" Judy grumbled. "More out-of-context meta-knowledge?"  
  
    "Something like that," Nick sat up more fully. "It said something like, 'I think he had Susu, he probably had his heart broken a few times'."  
  
    "Oh, so you had a bad relationship?" Judy began to look sympathetic. "With someone named Susu?"  
  
    "No, it looks like Rich just forgot a comma," Nick looked up the tweet on his phone. "The person who asked him the question was named Susu. ...Am I _allowed_ to say 'person'?"  
  
    "That would make sense," Judy pouted. "How you're all cynical and sad on the inside, disregarding that slick, luscious fox exterior."  
  
    "Chill those jets, Judy," Nick wiggled a finger on his handpaw (blech). "We're still not an item just yet. So how about you? How many relationships have you been in?"  
  
    "Zero!" Judy said proudly. "Confirmed, anyway."  
  
    "That's kind of hard to believe," Nick actually stood up, looking down at Judy. "You're pretty hot, and you're already in your twenties."  
  
    "Uh, who was saying what about some jets?" Judy looked a tiny bit bashful. "Hey, it's not that weird, is it? People- er, mammals thought I was a weird bunny growing up."  
  
    "Is that going to stop some dumb teenager from wanting to explore your bunnyburrow?" Nick raised an eyebrow.  
  
    "Nick...!" Judy laughed. "...Could it have?" She coughed. "Anyway, plenty of people-  _individuals_ don't have their first relationships 'til later in life, even if they're attractive!"  
  
    "Really... 'plenty of them'," Nick put his pawhands on his hips.  
  
    The scene abruptly changed.  
  


* * *

  
    "Let's see, what am I supposed to do next?" Judy traced her finger down the frankly ridiculously thick script of Zootopia: Partners. "Ah, here we go. In this scene I'm supposed to 'overhear a heartfelt kind-of apology between Bucky and Pronk'." Judy perked up an ear, straining to hear one.  
  
    "Okay, I concede that not all the new Pokemon are terrible..."  
    "And I suppose they still have plenty of time to add in a dolphin."  
    "But what's with that frog that's using his tongue as a ninja scarf? That's just silly."  
    "Hey, you can't say that about Greninja, he's one of the most popular Pokemon nowadays!"  
    "Are you serious?"  
    "Yeah, they even pulled some weird synchro-henshin nonsense between him and his trainer in the TV show."  
    "Oh, the one where the kid has been ten years old for two decades."  
  
    "Aaaaand it looks like nothing's really changed," Judy tossed the script behind her back, where it hit the ground with a loud THUD. "What was the point of this chapter, again? No wait, I got it." She pointed back up to the chapter title. "So clever."  
  
    Well, actually, the original chapter was ostensibly about how we should make each moment count and not let past arguments consume us to the point of forgetting to be with those that care about us. This was supposed to foreshadow the eventual pairing up of Judy and Nick, and add some depth to a couple of characters that had none.  
  
    "Uh huh," Judy smirked, continuing to make little points at the title. "So, what, Buck and Pronk  _weren't_ supposed to be joke characters?"   
  
    Obviously they were intended to be for the movie, but anyone can be made into an interesting character with enough fabricated backstory and filled in details! This is one of the aims of fanfiction, after all.  
  
    "Huh, I guess I didn't think of it like that," Judy pondered, kicking her feet in the air on her bed. "Hey guys, hear that? You're bona-fide characters now!"  
  
    "Remind me to hold a pillow fight club in honor of this momentous occasion."  
    "You're not supposed to talk about pillow fight club! Even if it is an activity gleaned from an official comic as part of the official Zootopia comics collection!"  
    "Oh, right. Wow, the quality of the paper in that thing was  _really_ poor."  
  
    Judy put on a determined smile. "It makes sense to me, anyway. In Zootopia, anyone can be anything! Even bit characters can be stars!"  
  
    Except Flash.


End file.
